My husband and I had a unexpected surprise a few months ago. One of those moments, where I am terrified and scared, but also happy at the same time. How else can you describe a lymie finding out they accidently got pregnant?
As most lymies would agree, we would never want to put a child at risk for getting this disease. Many patients find themselves contemplating adoption, surrogacy, or fostering to adopt. As for me, we already have 3 children. And these 3 children I had before I knew I was sick. Are they sick, not yet, thank God. But that doesn't mean much. There future with this disease is still questionable. And that breaks my heart. It's one thing to find out you have a incurable illness, but to also find out that it can pass vertically to your children is enough to literally break your heart in two.
But I try not to dwell on that. I try to remain positive and learn as much as I can. I'm part of a online support group with other families facing the same situation and they are so helpful to me. Some of them going are through very hard times with their kids, but we support each other and are able to vent when needed.
So, back to this pregnancy. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Imagine every emotion in the book, and I have felt it. Most of all, I have felt guilt. Guilt for somehow allowing this to happen and guilt for putting this baby at risk. But I also have Faith. Faith to trust God in whatever happens and trust that no baby is a mistake. This wasn't my plan, of course, but God always knew. And I must trust him moving forward.
So, why have I waited so long to share? Well, we had some early complications that made me High Risk, and I just felt it was right to keep this within our family during that time. I am 21 weeks today, and I'm happy to announce that most of the complications have resolved! We are still praying strong for this little one to make it to the finish line!
I am currently on medication to prevent transmission, and will test the cord blood at the hospital after the delivery. I trust my doctor and pray with all my heart that this baby will be lyme-free. But if not, then I am prepared and educated and we will take one day at a time.
We recently found out we are having a boy. After 3 girls, it is a TOTAL shock to be expecting some blue in our house. :) I just can't imagine holding a little boy! We are very excited!
How am I feeling? Pretty good considering. The first three months were hell. I was throwing up well into my 17th week. May times a day. It was awful. And now I have gestational diabetes, which is very hard to deal with. But as far as lyme symptoms, fatigue is my only enemy right now. And I pray that I don't relapse after giving birth!
So, that is my news! I will keep you updated on how things are moving forward. Keep up the faith!